I was first confronted with this question after my husband let me know, via an email… can you believe it!… that he wanted a divorce.
It started out as a normal night like any other. I believe I had my head buried in a book and he stated that he was going to run to the store for a snack. On his way out, he told me to check my email, which at the time we shared. I did and was immediately shocked to see an email from him to me. Opening up that email changed my life and forced me to confront the fact that something that I had invested over 15 years of my energy into was falling apart.
There are many stages that we go through when something like that happens, but at the end of the day, the one that mattered most was asking myself if I should give up or fight for a marriage, that in my eyes, was not bad at all. This question was harder to answer back then, but through growth and wisdom and working with many different clients along the way, I noticed a pattern to help you answer this question for yourself. I have four questions that you should consider if you have to decide if you should give up on something vs keep pushing on. With these four questions you will be better equipped to know what you should do.
1. Are you forcing it?
Force occurs as a result of, in simplistic terms, trying to push something along or pull something along. There is a tremendous amount of energy that is needed to force something to happen, especially if trying to get something to budge that is not moving. What’s funny is that in science, every time you apply force towards a desired outcome, there is an equal and opposite reaction force. Couple this with the fact that we often don’t have direct control over all of the details of how our desired outcomes materialize once we do everything in our own power to make things happen. These two things may not seem like a big deal, but they are!
There is nothing like coming up with a plan and doing all of the things that you can do and control within yourself to make that happen, however, once you’ve done that and you don’t get the results you want, panic sets in. And then what…you start trying to force the people and circumstances around you to bend to your desired outcome and it usually doesn’t work. The universe likes balance so when you try to force these areas in life, you are often met with counter-force or resistance equal to the force you are using to try to get what you want which equals a big fat zero progress. So what can you do?
Recognize that you will have less success using force, especially on things that are beyond your control and learn how to generate power. Power actually produces work. Power comes from you working on yourself and doing the things within your control to make things happen. This most often means working on your mindset and creating a strategy mostly full of the things that you can control. If you are working on these things 100% that is truly all you can do. And just to leave you with another bit of science…. Power is increased by doing things faster, not necessarily harder, so if you want to make change happen in your life. Make the changes that you can control as fast as you can.
2. Are your heart and your mind aligned?
You mustn’t overlook this step. From the time you came out of the womb, you have been bombarded with messages that create beliefs which in turn create attitudes and behaviors. These are usually linked to the mind and may not always be aligned with how we feel in our heart. You may do what your parents want you to do, your kids, or society. You may live so much for other people and the rules of others that you lose sight of who you are. The problem with this is you may be working towards something that is not even something that you desire deep down inside. The mind is powerful and since what you think ultimately becomes what you manifest, your heart ends up being overridden and you can end up chasing things that are ultimately not in line with your purpose.
To counter this, you must learn to check in with your heart. Your feelings are going to play a part in your future success. Your heart (feelings) should be first in command and whenever you are going after a goal, if it doesn’t feel right in your heart, you have some soul searching to do. The heart doesn’t lie but the mind can sneakily have you do things that go against your heart and you may not even notice it happening. Your mind is 2nd in command.
True power comes from doing things in life that are aligned with your heart and your head. Or to say it another way, your feelings and your thoughts. Pursuing goals when you feel good about them makes it easier to use your mind as a TOOL and not the Commander-in-Chief and when this happens, you are unstoppable. You not only have the two building blocks that you need to move mountains, but you are also more likely to spend your time and energy on things that matter most to you which leads to more happiness, less stress, and more fulfillment.
3. Are you doing the work or just wishful thinking?
This ties into the Power vs Force conversation. If you are not sure if you should give up on something, sometimes you may need to consider if you are actually doing the work. If you want to lose weight, are you consistently doing everything in your POWER to make it happen? Is it something you really want or something you think you should want? And here is an important part, do you have a clear strategy or plan or are you picking vague goals and winging it?
Most big dreams in life that you want to accomplish are going to require more effort on your part than you may initially think. This is very important to recognize because if you overestimate what is required of you to accomplish a goal you will usually be hit with a wake up call and it’s usually in the form of your progress not matching up to your expectations. This is why the heart and mind alignment is important. You can feel in your heart that you want something but if evidence is showing you otherwise, then you may be a bit delusional and may need to throw in the towel or at least reevaluate your actions and priorities.
It is totally OK to be optimistic, however it is not ok to adopt wishful thinking and not check in with your logical mind to see if the trajectory you are on makes sense… especially if it is something that you don’t have direct control over or you are not taking consistent, specific, strategic action to materialize.
4. Can you keep it up- the world works with a delay?
In science, it’s well known that when you look in the mirror, there is a fraction of time that passes by before you see the reflection in the mirror. Because it’s based on light rays, it is imperceptible. If you don’t know, reality is also a mirror that also has a set of delays. The difference with reality though, is that it operates on your thoughts and beliefs and has to meld with the thoughts and beliefs of others. Not only that, in reality you are not trying to move light, you are trying to move matter. Matter is dense.
Since you are continuously shaping the world around you with your conscious and unconscious thoughts, your level of success is going to depend on your thoughts. Things may not happen on the timeline that you expect. All of the things in this article must be done with diligence to accomplish a goal and even then, it still may not happen on your timeline. You are promised that you will succeed, the thing is, you may not know when or how. So then you must ask yourself, can you keep going? Or are you willing to keep going?
Compare this to when you go hard in the first month to try to lose weight, you expend an incredible amount of energy for what you may feel are minimal results. Now that you know about the delay, how badly do you want it? Your cells inside are revving up, your metabolism is shifting, you are processing nutrients differently. All of the things that you won’t automatically see but that mean that you are headed in the right direction, but you give up because you don’t see what you want–you don’t see the scale move.
If you want to know if you should keep going or give up, the last bit of advice I will leave you with is to ask yourself if your goal aligns with the first 3 tips, and if it does, the only thing you need to do then is check in with yourself to see if you would be willing to go all in even if your outcome may not look the way you want or it may not happen when you want it to and if you find that you can’t detach from those aspects of your outcome, you may need to reevaluate or quit, unfortunately.
So should you give up or keep going?
Making the decision to give up or keep going is not easy, and in the case of my husband asking for a divorce, I didn’t have control over him and forcing him to be with me would be counterproductive. In my heart I felt I should let him go even though my head wanted to fight, logically I didn’t have evidence that he wanted to save the marriage, and I would not be ok fighting for the marriage and spending years of my life living in misery. Because of those four factors that I shared in this article, I gave up.
I thought it would be the most painful thing that I ever had to do because it wasn’t an easy decision but in the surrender, I found peace. That surrender led me to new places and new heights and allowed me to recalibrate to a life of happiness, fulfillment, and purpose. Deciding to give up or if you should keep going may not be easy for you either, but once you are clear about which fork in the road you will choose, you will open up space in your life for a more joy filled life full of greater opportunities for growth and expansion.
Short Article Review
- Sometimes you can want something badly with all of your heart and even in the face of blocks and frustrations, you may be confused about whether you should give up or keep going and while there’s no right or wrong answer, this article will help you make that decision
- When you force an issue, the laws of science dictate that you be met with counterforce so it is vital that before you give up, you tap into your power in order to accomplish the results you desire. Tapping into your power will help you move past the things getting in your way and help you make progress faster and more effectively
- When you feel like you can’t decide whether you should throw in the towel, check in with your heart. Your heart will never lie if you learn to check in with yourself vs let your mind run the show. Your heart is connected to your intuition and ALWAYS has your mission and purpose in mind and will help you make the right choice.
- Still feeling confused? Do an honest gut check. Are you actually doing everything that you can possibly do to achieve your outcome or are you wishful thinking? Dreams and goals require effort of some sort and making sure your attitude, actions, and behaviors align with your desire is key
- Understand that your efforts don’t produce results immediately. The time to get results varies. Think about it, weight loss, a college degree, mindset changes… they all require a series of consistent efforts to occur before you notice changes so if you know you are tapping into your power, your heart is aligned with your desire, and you are doing the work… have faith. You will be successful even if it’s not on your expected timeline.
The content in this article is for informational purposes only and is not intended as legal, tax, investment, financial or other advice. Always seek the advice of a licensed professional regarding any questions you may have.
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